Drinking from the Fountain

‘Blessed is one who has despised all earthly and perishable things and acquired love.’
Such a person’s reward increases every day.
Such a person’s reward and crown has been prepared, the Kingdom of heaven has been given them.
All the Angels call them blessed;
all the Powers of heaven praise them;
the choirs of the Archangels receive them with joy.
For them the gates of heaven will be speedily opened,
and they will enter with boldness, take their stand by the throne of God,
be crowned by God’s right hand, and will reign with him for endless ages.

- St. Ephrem the Syrian

Love is terribly important to God. It is his essence. It is who he is. How can we refuse to acknowledge it? How can we choose to ignore it in our own lives? How can we repeatedly fail to call upon it? We see love as an option - whether to give it or not to another person. Typically, we develop this attitude over the years because we have been deeply hurt by those not exhibiting love toward us. Oftentimes, such injury is incurred from those whom we thought we were close to and shared a commonality and communion in the faith. We thought we were under the umbrella of love, but then lightning strikes the umbrella. We stand holding a charred assemblage of sticks and vow to never go out in the rain ever again.

Thus our hesitancy toward loving those around us begins to take shape. Our life experiences tend to strengthen our distrust and suspicions of people rather than our compassion and openness toward them. On the other hand, there are those I have known who seem to have an endless capacity to love all who cross their path in life. I have observed at the same time that these individuals are quick to forgive and eager to hope for better things in others and life situations. They are resilient and not deterred by potholes. I'd like to think that they were blessed with a "sunny disposition" and I was born under a thundercloud (after all, I grew up in Ohio). Differences in temperaments can be a good excuse for people like me, but they are never mentioned in scripture as an opportunity or justification for lack of faith in situations. Indeed, God uses all kinds of temperaments to accomplish his purposes. Quite frequently, he uses the very weaknesses of a certain temperament to show forth his glory and power. There goes that excuse.

Our English word "love" covers so many emotions and situations that it hardly has any true meaning anymore. God, however, is very specific in what love is and is not. Contrary to our typical perception of love being strictly an emotion, God often describes love in actions (1 Cor. 13), not feelings. But this isn't to be a list of good behaviors we should adopt as Christians. Rather, if we aren't seeing these type of actions in our life, then perhaps we need to examine our relationship with the Source. For love must come from the One who is Love. We can manufacture a pretty good substitute on our own, but it does not produce lasting results.

There are times that I wish I could just wake up in the morning and have love pouring out from my spirit. But life drains us of energy and can be discouraging to our spirit. God knows that we must refuel every evening and every morning. He is eager to meet us and strengthen us. We must make the time. We must daily go back the Fountain of Life that we may never thirst:

"Whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst...the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.” (John 4:14)

The Samaritan woman was weary of the daily labor of getting water herself and carrying it home. God waits for us to become weary of our own methods of love and to come to him. He waits to transform us.

His Hand is Open

Anxiety - a displacement of my daily confidence in the wrong things. (statement made by Father Stephen, Glory to God for All Things)

Anxiety has followed me throughout my life. I naturally gravitate toward those things I can touch and see that give me the illusion of security and confidence. I like to know that I have enough money in the bank. I like to have my pantry full. I like a choice of clothes that all fit. I like to have a house that is comfortable and affordable. All these things make me feel good and take away temporary anxiety. I know I have a backup plan or "extras" or "more than enough". I don't want to worry about shelter, clothing or food.

But what situation does God prefer for me? A life where I am continually, hour by hour, dependent on his hand for all things - food, shelter and clothing. It is not because he is selfish and wants me as a slave in his kingdom. He desires this for me because only then can I truly know his infinite love and care for me! He cannot truly reveal these things through just providing me with a monthly paycheck. He desires to restore to me the relationship for which I was created in the beginning - a relationship with him. He is my heavenly Father and desires to care for me as a Father does a daughter. He wants to show his love for me and reveal glorious and mighty things which I cannot fathom in the small and controlled world which I have created.

I do have a choice: 1) a controlled environment, created by me, where I will know what to expect and how I can survive day by day, or 2) an uncontrolled (in the respect that it is not controlled by me!) environment, sustained by God, where He delights in caring for me and showing his might and power to me and through me by providing for my every need. One is very predictable and inevitably boring. The other is completely unpredictable and a treasure chest of surprises. One requires very little of me. The other requires everything. One is dependent on my intellectual and material resources. The other is dependent on the riches and power and wealth of the God of the universe. One requires no one outside of myself. The other requires a relationship with the Creator and Redeemer of my soul.

When the options are put in words, the choice seems obvious. And yet...we are afraid. Afraid that God will not pull through for us. Afraid that he will take us where we don't want to go. Afraid that he will abandon us and then we will have nothing and no one. Afraid that he will require too much of us - more than we can bear. Afraid that we will fail - in our eyes and the eyes of others.

What assurance would convince us? He has done everything possible to prove his love for us - including becoming incarnate and dying a horrible death in order to conquer death and restore us and all creation to its original purpose. What more would we ask of him? He has gone more than the second mile. He has gone to hell and back for us. And we cannot trust him. What could we possibly possess that is of greater assurance and promise than what He has to offer?

We pride ourselves in our rationality and logic, but our behavior defies both. If we weigh the choices in the balance, there will be no doubt as to which is made of true gold.

You are not Alone

There was a boy, named Hyacinthus. He lived in Caesarea in Cappadocia (modern day Turkey) and was raised in a Christian family. The Roman emperor Trajan (ruled 98-117 AD) enlisted the young man as his "cubicularius" (chamberlain). This was an official charged with the management of the living quarters of a sovereign or member of the nobility. The emperor was unaware that Hyacinthus was secretly a Christian.

One day, while the emperor and his entourage were offering sacrifices to idols, young Hyacinthus remained at the palace, shut himself in a small room, and prayed fervently to the Lord Jesus Christ. One of the servants overheard him praying and reported to the emperor that, although Hyacinthus was entrusted with an imperial position, he did not honor the Roman gods and was secretly praying to Christ.

Hyacinthus was brought to trial before Trajan, who tried to persuade the young man to deny Christ and sacrifice to the Roman idols. But Hyacinthus remained steadfast and declared that he was a Christian. He was whipped and thrown into prison, where the only food given to him was what had already been offered to the idols. They hoped that he would be overcome with hunger and thirst and eventually eat. Hyacinthus did not eat the food, and he died after thirty-eight days. When they came to torture him again, they found his dead body. But when the jailer walked into the cell, he saw two angels in the cell. One covered the saint's body with his own garment, and the other placed a crown of glory on his head. The young Hyacinthus suffered for Christ in the year 108 AD in the city of Rome. Later, his bones were transferred to Caesarea in Cappadocia (modern day Turkey). He is remembered for his courage and faith on July 3.

This image of the angels, brings to mind a quote earlier in the week that gave me pause:

Do not be surprised that you fall every day; do not give up, but stand your ground courageously. And assuredly, the angel who guards you will honour your patience. - St. John Klimakos

What difference would it make in my life if I truly acknowledged the presence of a guardian angel in my life? How would I live differently?

First of all, having an angel - that amazing, powerful and incredibly beautiful creature - assigned to me is a thrilling thought. No gift of such splendor and quality has ever been given to me. This would be like being given a royal sword that had been crafted by the best bladesmith in the world, tried by fire, and known worldwide for its beauty and sharpness. I am not worthy of such a gift.

Secondly, knowing the power of angels, that they are servants of the Holy One and strictly organized and commissioned by God and the Prince of Angels, Michael, I am moved with tremendous gratitude that God would protect me with such force, power, and diligence. Scripture says that God will protect me as the "apple of His eye" and hide me under the "shadow of his wings" - Psalm 17:8. Our heavenly Father is intimately involved in my protection and care on a daily basis. His mighty angels are assigned to ensure that this happens.

Thirdly, I would never feel alone or vulnerable. Even physically removed from other people or in a dangerous situation, I would ever have the presence of my guardian angel to comfort and strengthen me. He will jealously guard and defend me. Yes, death may still come upon me, but not because my angel failed to protect me. Death or harm cannot come unless God allows it for his purpose and for his glory. Even in the Valley of the Shadows, my angel will not leave my side. As thousands of saints and martyrs will attest, these mighty warriors of the heavenly host remain with us and help us in the transition from this life to the next. We are never abandoned for one second.

A Call for Help

Answer me speedily, O LORD;
My spirit fails!
Do not hide Your face from me,
Lest I be like those who go down into the pit.
Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning,
For in You do I trust;
Cause me to know the way in which I should walk,
For I lift up my soul to You.
Deliver me, O LORD, from my enemies;
In You I take shelter.
Teach me to do Your will,
For You are my God;
Your Spirit is good.
Lead me in the land of uprightness.
Revive me, O LORD, for Your name’s sake!
For Your righteousness’ sake bring my soul out of trouble.
In Your mercy cut off my enemies,
And destroy all those who afflict my soul;
For I am Your servant. - Psalm 143: 7-12

The psalmist finds himself in a major crisis and calls out to God in his terror and hopelessness:

• Holy God, answer quickly! I see destruction all around me and I'm afraid I will be brought down with it.


• Lord, make your presence known to me for I am terrified by my loneliness.


• Comforter, I need to hear your loving words in the morning that I might be assured of your love for me.


• Counselor, give me direction on which path to choose, even though I cannot see a doorway at this point.


• Mighty God, deliver me from my enemies (oftentimes, physical, emotional, psychological or spiritual foes).


• Teacher, I need instruction in how to obey your will (perhaps weakness in this area was a catalyst for the present situation)


• Good Shepherd, keep my feet on the narrow path, following you and your voice (sheep tend to wander off).


• Giver of Life, restore life and health to my languishing soul, so that I may glorify you in all things. I was created to glorify God, and true fulfillment and purpose comes only as I pursue this end.


• Alpha and Omega, send your mighty angels to encamp about me and defend me from my accusers, for my soul has become weak and wounded.

We live in difficult times. We not only contend with the struggles of making a living, paying bills, keeping a job, meeting obligations, raising a family, but we have inner battles to content with. Voices that tell us we are failures. Doubts about decisions we must make or have made. Concerns about our health or someone else's health. Habits of the past that have now caught up with us and keep us from growing in our faith. In our busyness, we try to defend ourselves and keep walking. Eventually, we find ourselves exhausted and bleeding. We wonder how we got to this point.

Meanwhile, God is waiting to answer our call. He is mighty to save. He is longing to help us. Reading over the psalm again, isn't it absolutely amazing what God offers us? All the power of the Trinity and all that love available to us. But we must be in the position to receive it. It cannot be a position of pride and arrogance. God lifts up the humble in spirit.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise. Psalm 51:17

Living in the Economy

Last night, we listened to a pair of authors on the Bill Moyers TV show NOW. Both Steve Fraser and Holly Sklar have done their homework on the steps leading up to and explanations for the present economic crisis which is affecting so many middle class Americans. Both were a wealth of information of past history and trends in America, and both had dire warnings if our country continues on the path that is going. No surprise there.

Both of the authors, in separate interviews, commented on the excessive greed of corporate America and their willing bedfellows - federal bureaucracy and government. With the presidency of Ronald Reagan, the wealthy received a starting flag to pursue wealth their way with no consequences or restraints. It was a repeat of the golden age of the late 1800's. Over the past decades, we have witnessed the appalling lack of integrity and restraint of CEO's, their boards of trustees, stockholders, politicians and judges who have convinced themselves that they deserve to amass insane amounts of wealth, with no thought as to sharing it with those below who have been responsible for making their companies and careers successful. The result is a HUGE gap between the unfathomably wealthy and the middle class, which is rapidly slipping into lower class and, barring a major change in government and corporate policies, ultimately headed for poverty levels. During this time, many of us who have always considered ourselves middle class are bewildered as to why it is so difficult to put food on the table, pay for gas for our cars, take care of our clothing needs, handle everyday home repairs, and meet medical needs. We keep adding part-time jobs to make ends meet, but the ends keep moving farther apart. We're working longer hours, being denied health insurance, and offered no security that we will have our jobs tomorrow. One of the authors made the point that we are somewhat fooled by the salaries we are earning, thinking that they are so much higher than what our fathers or grandfathers earned. It was pointed out that, with adjustments made for inflation, we are actually earning what our grandfather earned in the 1920s as far as purchasing power is concerned. That was probably a blue collar or agricultural job and not even considered middle class.

After an hour of assimilating this information and realizing that these authors were describing my husband's and my current financial situation and frustrations, it was easy to become depressed, angry, and ready to pile into a VW van and head for Washington (sorry, that's my Baby Boomer coming out!).

My next thought was, "How does God want us to respond to living in this era?" Historically, this trend is nothing new - the extremely wealthy possessing all the power and lording it over the lower classes. Economics has cycles just as does the weather. The pendulum usually does swing the other direction - eventually. Sometimes it takes decades and many broken lives and political upheavals. I believe my bigger concern in the present crisis is the absence of outrage over the lack of integrity being displayed by these men and women addicted to the god of Mammon. Power corrupts. Money can be an immense source of power, and very few can handle it in a manner that benefits others. But stop and think for a minute. If you don't believe in an ultimate source of right and wrong and your existence here on earth is all the joy and happiness you will ever experience, then why wouldn't you try to get as many toys as possible and experience as much of what this life has to offer? With this thinking, you are responsible for your own happiness. If you aren't happy, then you only have yourself to blame. From this perspective, these individuals can only wonder why we aren't clawing our way to the top like everyone else and hoarding as much as we can for ourselves.

I believe we need to consider the lack of moral values and spiritual foundation that currently premeates our country and how this poverty has given birth to the current situation. We have become heady over our own inventions, technology and investments. They have wooed us with their power, glitz and profitability. Obviously, the evil one is immensely pleased that we are distracted and so easily entertained, and he is busy daily offering us enticements for all our five senses. If he can keep us preoccupied, then we won't be aware that we are completely ignoring the true life, peace and joy that only Christ can offer. Satan (no coincidence he is referred to also as the Angel of Light) has been in the deception business for thousands of years and has perfected it. You don't stand a chance trying to fight him on your own.

We are currently facing an economic crisis in our country. As believers, we have a hope and a kingdom that this world does not acknowledge. Shouldn't that affect how we live our lives in the present circumstances? If things continue to get worse, and there isn't any indication that there is a solution around the corner, will the world see a difference in how we as believers navigate through these waters and how others are handling it? As we daily lift our needs before the Father and trust his care for us and our loved ones, by His grace we will be able to reach out in mercy and tenderness to those who don't share that hope and point to something greater than the riches of this world. It is often in the bleakest of nights that God's glory has opportunity to shine the brightest.

But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.

But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

- I Timothy 6:6-12

Not as Easy as It Looks

Sometimes it happens that, when you begin to pray, you find you can pray well. At other times, even when you have expended great effort, you may find your efforts frustrated. This experience is given to make you learn that you must exert yourself constantly, for having once gained the gift of prayer, you must be careful to keep it safe. - Evagrius of Pontus

Yes, and why would we think that prayer should be easy? My thinking is that, if this is something that is right and good and honors God, then he would honor it and protect it from distraction or temptation. This goes back to the brownie point system. If I do this, then I will be rewarded. Gee, I almost sound like a millennial - I should be rewarded for just showing up.

Prayer has frequently been presented in our culture as a gentle, passive, generous activity. It's a way of showing honor and respect to God and a gesture of support and encouragement to those we pray for. Paintings show individuals quietly and serenely on their knees or with hands folded in prayer. We are touched by their example of humility and entreaty.

At what point was prayer put on the level of an afternoon tea party? Nothing I read in scripture, nor do I see in the lives of the apostles, martyrs and saints, suggests anything but blood, sweat and tears when it comes to prayer. Think of Christ spending entire nights in prayer. Think of Hannah praying for a child. Consider the deacon Stephen as he was being stoned. There is a battle raging around us - greed, power, immorality, hatred, and covetousness. Our human resources are powerless against them. These enemies are greater than what we can see, touch, taste or feel. They can only be confronted and managed by a power stronger than ourselves. Initiating prayer against them is only the beginning, for that only puts the enemy into a rage. The heat rises and the attacks increase. You have been warned.

If we see prayer as an option or another way of coping with the stresses of life, then perhaps we have deluded ourselves into thinking that we are fairly protected and secure, thanks to our 401K, our steady income, health insurance, life insurance and retirement plan. The present economic crisis and energy shortage have revealed just how fragile these provisions can be. We have placed our trust in them for so many years that we have lost sight of who truly gives us life and our daily provisions. The true battle, however, is won, not in accruing more assets or increasing our insurance plans, but by continual communication with the Almighty God and wrestling with those forces unseen - as if our life depended on it. It does.

Stand up Straight

When an archer desires to shoot his arrows successfully, he first takes great pains over his posture and aligns himself accurately with his mark. It should be the same for you who are about to shoot the head of the wicked devil. Let us be concerned first for the good order of sensations and then for the good posture of inner thoughts. - St John Chrysostom

Chrysostom's statement caused me to stop and think of how often, when I am being "attacked" or sense spiritual oppression, I take a defensive position - just hoping to avoid the arrows flying around me. There I am crouching in the corner with my shield held up in front of me.

St. Chrysostom paints a very different scenario, one that makes me recall the consummate archer in Lord of the Rings - Legolas. When sensing attack, he lengthened himself to full height, drew the arrow from his quiver, and with great precision placed it against his bow. There was intention, concentration and a narrowing of focus, as he zeroed in on his target and gauged the distance between them. In archery, you don't have the advantage of the "shotgun" effect - hundreds of pieces fanning out toward the enemy in hopes that enough of them will mortally wound him. No, you have one arrow, carefully placed and intentionally directed toward your foe. The success of the directed arrow depends on the physical and mental disciplines of the past and the ability to let them play out at the exact moment of danger. Our battles are not won on the battlefield. They are won in our daily position before God and our participation in the life of the Body of Christ - prayer, humility, confession and worship. A posture check might be in order.